trying to get back into the habit of writing frequently.  perhaps I should

put some effort into my website; I like having it, updating it involves

writing . . . yes, I think that is a good idea.  fascinating.



hmm, less and less to write about these days.  I've been sleeping a ton,

which I'm fairly sure can be attributed to my being depressed, which is in

turn because of the great distance between myself and Gillian.  it helps

so very much to know she feels the same way.  



Justin is such an amazing person.  I must remember to pick his brain more.

I actually relish spending time with him at work.  A good thing, since

sometimes my co-workers drive me buggers.  Some more thanothers.  Damnit!

Is it just me, or is Brandon a fucking moron?  I mean, everything he says

makes me want to hit him, and I wonder . . . how much of my dislike for

what he says can be attributed to me generally disliking him?  His

attitudes, his obnoxious laugh (sitting right behind me, every day . . .)

Am I totally biased?  I really wonder this sort of thing; how much my

pre-existing opinion of someone/thing can effect how I view it?  I'd guess

a lot, but it's certainly hard to tell.  And he IS often saying stupid

stuff . . . I try and keep track of how much of what he says just irks me

because it'shim, and how much makes me actually want to respond with a

snappy, sarcastic, "you're such a dipshit" answer.  hmm.



I was listening to randomized mp3s today at work and Underworld's "Born

Slippy" came on.  it was like a knife to my gut, and I had to turn it off

within 30 seconds or so, because I wanted to cry.  for some reason, it was

heavily, heavily associated with Gillian in my mind.  i don't really know

why.  she likes the song a lot, but i don't remember it being "our song,"

or anything close.  memories locked away?  perhaps the song broughtout the

emotional response to the memories without bringing out the memories

themselves.  



ahh, so much better when I keep writing, writing, and expanding on ideas

instead of writing a bit then getting distracted, nipping them in the bud.

perhaps my short attention span is one of the things that hinders m

ability to write lengthy prose with ease.  unless I really have a lot to

say about something, (and how that's defined, well . . .?), I end p

struggling to pen enough to satisfy whatever length I'm striving for.

need to do more writing when the only person setting that length is me.

perhaps think of an original story?  I think I may have one and be afraid

to write it.  I started out with these characters, but the idea was to

follow Chris as he fell deeper into needing more "extreme' extremes.  the

story degenerated,in my writing of it andthinking about it, into having

fun andbeing silly with the characters.  what I have so far should makean

OK opening, no, a good opening (if I organize it right), bt I need to

follow m original path.  the trip to Disneyland should get chris fired.  



yawn.  go to work, come back, have some dinner play some inball, and

already I need tohit the sack in order to get enoug tsleep that I'm

nottired the next day.  more than eight hours.  I need to get energy back

into my life.  exercise is probably the best suggestion, but I hate it so

much.  the only thing I enjoy doing that I (believe I) get a good workout

from is snowboarding, and that's not exactly an everyday occurrence.  I

shouldjoin a healthclub (like I need another fucking expense), but going

ever day, working out for an hour . . . it would help if I wasn't always

tired.  it makes me tired just thinking baout itnow.  



yawn