what do I want from  . . . "her"?



do I want what he wants?



"You can never, ever ask me to stop drinking"



reciprocated romance - the feeling that we're both in love with each other?



mutual understanding and acceptance, and yes, probably adoration?  yes.



sex?  who cares about sex.  sex is nice.  sex isn't what I'm looking for, and I know

that well.  



acceptance of vices, a joie de vivre, and a realization that life is fleeting,

and to be taken the most of?



a disinterest in . . . apathy towards . . . lack of direction?  that's not an admirable

quality, or it isn't supposed to be.a pretty good character description of myself,

though.



to have someone to hold in bed, to talk to as I fall asleep, to enjoy the company

of with while I'm awake, to get drunk with, to laugh with, to cry with.  to trade

insults with.  



intellectual conversation?  share philosophies, and explore reality?  



will I run away?  will I stay?