[no real clue when I wrote this; this is my best approximation]



i would rather be friends with an intelligent egotist than a humble idiot



Disillusioned, disenchanted, dismayed, disposable



hmm.



Disillusioned.  Yes.  The whole Irish culture, in reference to any kind of

"romance," - it really is alcohol based. And conflict?  So says John.  I'd

believe it, but the alcohol part I know for sure.  I don't understand

them.  Part of me wants to worry about it a lot; some of the things I

found out tonight disgusted me.  I guess I'm just too much of a romantic

at heart; what was I thinking?  Why would these girls want any more than a

summer fling?  



girl picks the guy that makes you want to kick and scream



Whatever.  He's a cool guy, and I can see why she likes him.  A bit odd

that it didn't start alcohol-based.  Wonder about that.  But what I'm

really thinking is, "why don't they want me?"  Why would anyone pick

another guy over me?  There must be something wrong with me!  Jesus, grow

up.  Sitting and worrying about that, keeping your mind locked in that

haze known as elsewhere - just makes you boring to be around.  Dan and

John have it right - stop thinking about what they might be thinking, and

stop investing so much of myself in the situation.  Can't be myself when

preoccupied about who I'm coming off as.  'Course, I've been saying this

for years, and it's only taking effect slowly.