Yawn.  Darnit, I thought I was tired.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have gone to

bed before 11.  Unfortunately, I'm back awake now at 3, so I guess I'll

churn out a brain scan for today.  Uh . . . 

well, I thought I had already written this recently, but it would appear I

haven't (hm.  really should have just kept writing anyway; like I keep

saying, one of the best things about this is stream of consciousness):



So I keep wondering if I'll ever again be in a long term relationship.

Something serious.  I haven't been recently, and I wonder wy.  Is it

because I haven't found someonewho I work with?  Or is it something deeper

in me?  I still miss Aija, and it's been something like a year and a half

now.  That is in no way healthy to a relationship right now, as Cathy

pointed out to me.  But what is it I want?  |Physical affection, sex, a

companion, those are easy.  But what on the personality side? |o I want

just another confidante?  Do I want to be inspired and mentally

stimulated?  I THINK that'd be nice.  I don't really remember that

happening since . . . oh, dear.  I have major issues.  Have I been pushing

others awa...no, I haven't.  I had a few short-lived...oops.  Hmm.  Well,

perhaps, then.  Is all I want right now to be a swinger?  I feel like

quite the loner.  I'm not, really.  But I am alone up here, almost

devoid of companionship.  Ok.  So I'm seldom entertained for long hanging

out with another male, unless it's to do something like snowboard.  I

generally enjoy hanging out with a group of friends of mixed gender, wit a

lot more tolerance to whether we're doing something like snowboarding or

not.  How about one on one with a female?  Just 'bout always.  



girls

all I really want it girls



Does it help, though, if there's some sort of sexual tension present?

(Even if it is only in my head)  Am I only looking for se?  If so, why?

On a normal level of consciousness, that isn't what I want.  But is it

deep down?  And if so, why, and what can I do about it?  Hmm. . . .



Single White Male, age almost21, seeks female aged similarly for good

times and bad.  Only insane need apply.