It's been a long time, diary.  I guess a fair amount has happened. Went

to Cancun.  Had good food.  Got a sunburn.  Went snorkeling.  Broke up

with Catherine.  We're still friends, with a pretty bizzare bond now, I

guess.  In retrospect:  "what were we THINKING, spending 8 days alone

together when having known each other only a month?"  Oh well.  I don't

really regret the trip.  I would have much rather gone snowboarding in

Canada, though.  I guess soaking up the sun on the beach doesn't entertain

me for too long, and I didn't really have the desire to hit the

greek-system frequented clubs at night.  Live'n'learn.  

A very surreal trip.  It took me a day or so to recover.  When I woke up

the day after getting back, it felt like I'd just had a week long dream.  

Speaking of dreams, I had some bizzare ones last night.  That'll teach me

to mix drugs and alcohol, I guess.  In one dream, I worked for a

restaurant.  About 6 of us worked there, but the boss was an evil vampire.

He killed most of my friends, but I was able to defeat him with the help

of some mega-powerful being.  

Then I had another dream where I think I fell in love.  I'm not entirely

sure who I fell in love with, but I THINK it was a female I'd seen the

night before.  This is the second time, now.  I wonder what my brain's

trying to tell me.  Why do I keep dreaming of falling in love with the

last person I've thought about / laid eyes on?  Am I trying to show myself

what I'm doing, through example:  picking someone to latch on to just

because they're female and I like them?  Or am I just obsessed with

romance?  "He was born / a fool for love / what he wouldn't do for love"

Sigh.  The need for validation through the approval of others;  what a

theme in my life.  That the best feeling of 'approval' comes when someone

professes your love for you makes this whole dream thing non-surprising.



I feel like I'm skirting around some issue here.  My general apathy since

I've been back.  Lying around all day, no real motivation to go to work,

to write, to do much of anything.  Catherine kept saying how unpredictable

my energy flows were.  Maybe it's the same with my happiness flows.  "You

make love, you break love / it's all the same when it's over"  I don't

know;  I keep thinking of that song and wondering.  I was looking at

information on manic depression last year, and my friend Johanna came in,

looked at it, and said "you seem like more of a depressive to me."  But

who knows.