without you
without you
everything falls apart


so I missed a good three and a half straight days of Zoloft because I kept

forgetting to / not having the chance to pick up my prescription.

Yesterday on the phone with Johanna my head started feeling . . . odd.

sortof like drunk, but "drunk's more fun."  It took me several hours to

realize that it was the lack of  . . . err, whatever's in those lil' pale

yellow buggers.  The solid day after that, until I managed to fill the

prescription, was not fun.  It kicked in after a few hours though, I'm

feeling more or less fine and dandy now.  



round are way
the birds are singing
round are way
the sun shines bright
round are way
the birds sing for you
round are way
it's allright


"A jury trial isn't about the law, it's about assigning blame."

I'd contend that a media trial is the same.  All the recent stories I've

perused about the Littleton shootings are people running around in circles

looking for someone to blame.  Nothing constructive, mind you, like trying

to do something preventative.  Just assign blame.  Arrrgh.

Speaking of assigning blame, I wonder who to blame for my current station

in life.  My utter lack of motivation, my days spent doing nothing but

sleeping too much.  I mean, my real question is, am I just being an

utterly lazy fuckhead?  Would I start enjoying things, enjoying life,

more, if I were out there doing stuff all the time?  Less time for "fun,"

you have more fun in the time?  Interesting theory.  I guess . . . as

tired as I always am of constantly clamoring to find some reason to wake

up tomorrow, I'm also leery of "the real world," where . . . .oh, this is

BULLSHIT, nat.  "Where you just work all day and you never have any fun

and life sucks and cry me a river."  Arrrgh.  Working all day in the right

surroundings can be damn fun, and enriching, and fulfilling.  I know that,

because I often have them here at ResComp.  And I found another job to

apply for (where are you, firingsquad?  come, hire me!) that sounds

equally appealing.  So why am I always alone, in bed these days?  Because

I should be writing but I'm not.  Because SOMEHOW, somehow, I think it

turned into some sort of chore in my mind.  What can I do about this?  I

NEED to get back in the habit of writing, because I know that I still love

to do it.  I need to get in the habit of doing a lot of healthier things.

It's not bad that I'm taking a year off soon because I'm not getting

anything much out of college.  It IS bad that I'm using this wonderful

opportunity to continue to do fuck all with my life.  Jesus, if you're

going to keep laying around and feeling sorry for yourself, just fucking

die, why don't you?  Get a fucking backbone.

I suck.