A chore.  That's what I've decided this is.  That's what I've decided work
is.  That's what I've decided life is.  I used to write in here every few
days because I either wanted to, or at least felt like I should.  These
days, my own apathy precludes my even keeping this feeble project up.  I
never feel like I have anything to write about.  The more things change,
the more they stay the same.  Or something.  I had aspirations of changing
jobs, or changing positions within my company, and really felt like I was
going somewhere, that I was motivated to do something else.  And I ended
up stuck in the same fucking job because I'm too lazy to get more than one
interview, which is a flop, and somehow I've managed to get the head of
the company convinced I'm worthless, so betterment within the company is
out, since it's obvious he likes me stuck in the pathetic position I'm in.  
That's how it's been feeling.  Well, recently, I"ve been happier at work,
as long as I don't actually do database work, which frys my brain within
hours.  That doesn't seem to be much of an option, though.  So I'll
continue to not think about how much my job sucks so that I can attempt to
put on a happy face to please whoever it is I'm trying to please for
whatever reason.

Been finishing up (almost done!) Prozac Nation, and oft identifying with
the character.  one chapter is entitled

woke up this morning afraid i was gonna live

Been thinking about going back on Zoloft, since I think, if I remember
right, conventional wisdom states that the "I wish it would all just go
away" approach to life is unhealthy.  And I do have things to be happy
about, but I can't seem to get out of this funk.  Which puts me in danger
of alienating people that make me happy, which makes me more depressed,
yadda yadda.  Depression is boredom incarnate, no surprise that it's
boring to be around.