i just want someone to say to me
i'll always be there when you wake

stuck in my head, for whatever reason.  I wonder if that would make me
happy, to always have someone there.  It sucks mornings when I have to go
to work, because it's just waking up and leaving them.  That's sad.  It
would probably be nice to come home to someone, though.  Or do I want
private time?  
I'm not even thinking about what I'm wriign, what I"m thinking is "oh,
should I go to bed so I'm not tired when I wake up?"  Like I have to
choose between writing in here and sleeping enough.  Suck.  
Been in a bit of a slump since last night.  Don't know why, just . . .
energy dropped off and so did happiness.  this better not last, because
I've got too much to be happy about.  
right?

looking over some of my older entries, and all the interesting ones are me
unhappy.  The piece of writing I've done that I'm the happiest with, by
far - about intense pain of love lost.  

blah fucking blah.  I'm not putting anything into this, writing it as if
it's a chore, so of course nothing will come of it.  it's just too fucking
bad that I don't seem to care enough these days to actually write
something worthwhile in here.  but I'm not going to waste my time with
this righ tnow.  

yeah, good idea, nat.  Just give up, thats always the answer.  go to bed
upset for no reason.  

well, it is difficult to write something interesting in a few casual
minutes, especially if you don't start with something to say.  that just
isn't how good writing works.  duh.  that I haven't had anything to say
these days is unfortunate, and speaks of a life so entrenched in routine
that it seems nothing escapes my mouth but day-to-day woes of money and
job, and weekend happiness of seeing Sarah.  perhaps I don't leave myself
with time to think.  so many aspirations I have, they all fall down flat.
that's a Gemini, right?  Good ideas, lousy follow-through.  Fickle.  

why am I so hard to please?