I was going to write this last night, once I got back to work, before I
finished my article.  I let my mind spin down, for a moment, though, and
by the time it had realized there was something amiss, I was too tired to
do anything about it.  So here I am tonight, with nothing to do and no one
around, trying to make up for a missed entry and perhaps to recapture lost
feelings.
They were not good feelings.  Not good in the typical sense of things,
when good feelings are happy and bad feelings are sad.  These days,
though, any feeling at all comes across as a pleasant reminder that I'm
still alive, still in here somewhere, lost admidst the whirlwind of work
and the tribulations of being self-sufficient.  Things that I have been
letting bleed away all my time, because I want to be a good worker,
because I like work, and because I need work to keep me from thinking
about what it is replacing.  Who it is replacing.  
I don't want to replace her.  I don't want to replace people with
machines, to replace good times with good graces, to replace love with
money.  
In the car again for hours alone yesterday, I found myself more than once
on the verge of tears, that acrid stabbing sensation in the back of the
throat.  The swelling of ducts occurred when I would hear old songs,
half-forgotten yet firmly bound to memories of times past, of people past.
It feels almost like having friends is becoming nothing more than a
bittersweet memory of yesteryear.  

but what can i do

G loves Radiohead
she would borrow my cd and play the title track
[the bends]