I don't think I actually have anything to say, but rather, stuff I meant
to say earlier and forgot to.
this weekend I went to see bad religion.  they were a good show.  they
played my favourite song of theirs,
[a walk]


last week my mom called me to tell me that a girl I went to high school
with, that was in the same graduating class as I, that I had talked to
briefly but
had never known 
beyond a name and a face, she decided not to live anymore, and she did
something about it.  it was really odd to open up my yearbook and look a
few photos away from myself and see a picture of a person no longer alive.  
it's not the kind of bother that has kept me thinking about it much, or
even that shocked me that much to first hear it.  I mean, I didn't know
the gal much at all.  but still, that moment of morbid curiosity, of
opening my yearbook and staring into her eyes - that was perhaps the
closest I've been to a ghost.  

I keep having thoughts and not wanting to type them down here, because
they sound stupid and boring even as I'm thinking them.  logic being, I
suppose, why write something down that nobody, myself included, would ever
want to read?  my old entries make me cringe sometimes but didn't seem bad
when I wrote them; if I start writing stuff that feels trite and dull when
I write it, well, why bother at all?  I don't fully follow my own logic
there.  but all I was going to say was something about ghosts and how I'd
been playing the Blair Witch game on my computer just before writing in
here and it had gotten me in a really spooked mood.  I admit it; I spook
easily.  I was afraid of the dark well past a healthy age.  I get this
scared lump in my stomach when playing the game, so I wonder why I do it
to myself.  

I tried to watch Bullitt earlier tonight but it started dull.  I tried to
stick with it, but then it had gotten going, and it still seemed like the
acting was terrible, the characters weren't doing anything interesting,
and there was of course the "old" feel to it that was hard to get past.
there's certainly a difference between a modern movie affecting an older
style and an older movie trying to look current.  I'll freely admit that
newer movies continually spoil older ones for me.  I don't know if that's
bad or not.  perhaps newer movies are just raising standards (not a bad
thing), or perhaps they're lowering the common denominator and cheapening
the experience in favour of easy appeal (probably a bad thing).  I'd guess
it's a bit of both.  it also depends on what sort of movie, too.  older
films are washed-out and grainy looking already, so it's harder to forgive
that when, say, the special effects are bad too (which, if the movie is
old, the almost categorically are).  often comedies loose their 'edge'
after that much time, but not necessarily.  some movies are just timeless,
I guess.  although it took me forever to get around to seeing it because I
have a predilection towards not watching older films for said reasons, Dr
Strangelove was a great flick, and it's an old [black] comedy.  

jesus, who fucking cares.  shut up shut up shut up nat.