A lot of people look at my rather extensive music
collection, and are impressed with my musical taste.  Sarah, the girl
I met this weekend, said that mine closely mirrored hers.  But one thing I
get fairly often, even from people who think the bulk of my stuff rocks,
is "oh, I don't really like Alanis Morissette."  And I shrug it off, or,
this weekend, mumble a lame explanation of why I like her.  I believe I
said I liked it because it was "from the heart," which is vague and trite
at best.  So I'm trying to figure out, what is it I like about her music?
It does something to me, I feel like I'm always gaining more from it, I
become inexplicably attached to the songs.  Nothing on Jagged Little Pill
(though I think the album is a great listen), really - it's Supposed
Former Infatuation Junkie, where her style changed and, I think, something
came out.  instead of trying to rhyme, or trying to form a song, or verse,
or even something coherent, she just . . . opened the floodgates.  she's
heartfelt, honest, vulnerable, miserable, joyous, loving, self-absorbed .
. . all in one mish-mash that blends into something beautiful.  

I think honesty, vulnerability, joy and sorrow - true human emotions, real
suffering, genuine ecstasy - all those things that come together to make a
person's life experience - those are the most real and beautiful things in
the world.   I think that's part of what I really like about Claudine -
she's got this whole past, and all these conflicting emotions dealing with
it, and her life right now is uncertain, and she's strong and fragile, a
lion and a kitten in the same body.  

because sharing everything with her is as easy as sharing a cup of coffee

a song on her mtv unplugged album, didn't make it to SFIJ, has some lines
celebrating being a real (not perfect) person

[princes familiar]

later in the day, during Angel (again - what a waste of an hour.  at least
I'm making better use of my time) I input more into this electronic
outpouring of angst:

I'm thinking of trying to say a spontaneous hello to this girl I met over
the last week, who was on the tahoe trip I took this last weekend, and who
I mentoined previously.  and I wonder how I'd introduce myself, if I were
being as honest as possible, as "here I am; take me warts and all" as I'm
capable of.

I'm a substance abuser; sometimes I abuse substances by myself.  I'm
reading a book whose prologue is entitled "I hate myself and want to die"
and relate with it as soon as I see the first page.  I'm an aspiring
male slut and I would forgo sex for a year for someone I could love and
hold.  I'm a firm believer in the beauty of misery and the misery of
beauty.  I don't manage my money well; I'm not sure I manage my life well.
I'm extremely hard to please because I set my standards so high.  I'm
enigmatic.  I talk about myself too much.  I pride myself in having no
morals.  I wouldn't hurt a fly.  I hurt people without trying.  I'm an
immature brat.  I want everything handed to me on a silver platter.  I'm
addicted to emotional suffering.  I smother people with boundless love.
"I just want someone to talk to" and so I'm not a man.  I'm as loyal as a
puppy dog and as fickle as the shifting winds of a tropical storm.  I'm
overweight and don't exercise enough.  I still get hung up on a girl I
left nearly three years ago.  

I only have eyes for you.